From a Dog's Perspective

ROGER: Staffordshire bull Terrier, mad as an axe, ADHD, cyclonic.

LAYLA: Retired and rescued greyhound.  Calm, quiet and always hungry.

Visitors

Roger:  Was that... is it... oh yes it was a car door slamming.  LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.  I love you, I don't know who you are yet but I love you.

Layla:  Is someone here?  Excitement.  Maybe they will have food.  Maybe they will love me.  I always need love.

Roger:  It's the grandparents.  I LOVE the grandparents.  Grandad loves me!  Grandma too but with restrictions.  I want you both I WANT I WANT I WANT.  What the... the Pack Leader Mum has me by the collar but I will pull.  Maybe she will let go.  She is talking to me but all I hear is blah blah blah Roger! Those legs, I. must. lick. those. legs.  Grandad's legs are long and skinny and hairy.  His legs play with me and chase me.

Layla:  Grandparents.  I love them.  Do they have food?  Have they touched food lately?  Will they still smell of food?  Wet nose in their hands will tell me.

In The House

Roger:  The kitchen is off limits when food is being prepared or when the family are eating.  This is so hard!  I break the rules every day and every day I am sent out but one day they might forget and not notice me.  The cat can come and go as she pleases and she does this to show off.  I don't care.  I am bigger than her. 
If Pack Leader Mum is at the computer too long I bark at her.  If she swears or sighs or is upset I talk to her and come to comfort her.

Layla:  The kitchen is off limits when food is being prepared or when the family are eating.  If I walk very slowly and quietly, don't let my nails click on the floor I can bypass this rule.  The floor can contain smidgens of morsels of edible stuff.  The bin is my mecca.  I must get to the bin.
Wherever Pack Leader Mum is I am.  She often forgets things and goes up and down the hall or in and out of the house many times but I must stay with her.  I used to be lonely and isolated and I will never again be lonely and isolated. 

A Walk

Roger:  Smells are everywhere.  Here, there, all over the place.  Oh I gotta' pee.  I am in a big hurry.  You never know when the world might end or we have to go back home.  Quick quick quick.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Jackpot!  Calf poo.  I gotta' eat it before Layla finds it.  Scoff, choke, hack, scoff.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Oh yeah, carcass of rodent.  Mmmm, roll in that, roll roll roll.  I smell great. 

Oh Pack Leader Mum is calling home.  Quick quick quick.

Layla:  Freedom, run run run.  Smells everywhere.  Where is that rabbit?  Squat and pee.  RABBIT RABBIT RABBIT rabbit rabbit rabbit.... gone.  Ooh calf poo.  Eat it before Roger.  Where is that rabbit?  Smells everywhere.  Oh there is Pack Leader Mum at the top of the hill.  She loves me.  We are too far apart.  Run run run.  Puff puff puff.  Where is that rabbit?  Oh baby, calf placenta!  Roll roll roll.  I smell great!

Pack Leader Mum is calling home.  Gotta' go.  Do not want to lose my family.

An Outing

Roger:  Car trip!  Puff puff puff I am so excited and we haven't left home yet.  Ooh ooh ooh someone I don't know walking past the car.  I LOVE YOU!
On leash in open air and I want to sniff sniff sniff.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Person... I LOVE YOU.  I want to lick your legs.  Running away?  How exciting, me too.  Dog... I really want to know you before I decide whether to attack or play.  Pulling pulling pulling.  The lead may give way, I might be able to chase all those people/dogs/inanimate objects.  Oh I gotta' pee.

Layla:  Car trip?  Oh OK.  Mixed feelings of excitement and trepidation.  Pack Leader Mum and Dad drive round bends and my lo-o-ong legs have to surf them in a confined space.  Roger's excitement is catchy. 
On leash in open air and I stick close to my Pack Leader.  They might try and separate from me.  Dog... if I don't look at them maybe they will ignore me.  Eww they are sniffing me.  Stand tall and think of something else.  Food.  No time to sniff.  Got to focus on staying with Pack Leader.  Person... stay cool, don't do anything.  Oh a pat, lovely, I will take that.  I gotta' crap right here and right now.

Bed Time

Roger:  You are running late Pack Leader.  It is time, I am restless.  Are we going out yet?  Oh yay, it's time for my bedtime biscuit.  Big, hard biscuit.  Chained to my kennel first and then biscuit.  Chomp, crack, choke, cough, chomp.  Mmmm. Bed time with the mozzies.

Layla:  Are you sure it is that time?  What if I lie here just a bit longer.  Ooh biscuit, I forgot I was hungry.  You go first, there are toads out here.  Chained to my bed in shed and then biscuit.  Very gentle when I am given the biscuit.  Biscuit very hard.  Pack Leader leaves and I lie down and eat.  I want to be in the house with the family.  I am chained now because I wrecked the door to my shed. I stress when I am separated from the family.  But I know I will see them in the morning.  I will not be lonely or isolated again.  They even give me breakfast so I know I won't starve.