Toad Bites Dog

Bloody Roger!  This dog is approximately 9 years old.  He has lived with the poisonous cane toad hopping around our back yard for all his life and ignored them.  Until last night.  At bed time.  My bed time.  He and I were in the back yard last night, I was hanging out washing just before going to bed.  He was biting a cane toad.  Oh and you know what?  Poison tastes bloody horrible in your mouth apparently. 

We rang the vet.  He told us to hose his mouth out for 10 minutes, rub his gums and inner mouth area and keep him calm.  Do you know many dogs who can keep calm while you hose out their mouth?  Probably more than I imagine.  But a staffy?  But Roger?  It took three of us.  The Young Negotiator was there to stop him from backing out had hold of the little nugget body.  The Dynamic Daughter was on hose duty.  (Don't wash the poison down his throat either).  I was on washing and rinsing duty.  Apparently the poison sticks to surfaces and begins transferring its toxin so that is why you need to rub his tongue, gums, teeth, mouth and not get bitten for your trouble. 

Truth be told he was pretty reasonable considering.  We must have removed all the poison because he stopped frothing and shaking his head.  We were all pretty wet and smelly (you know, wet dog smell) at the end of it.  I don't know whether he will bite a toad again because how much he associates that attack with everything that happened afterwards is any body's guess.  I am hoping not.  Bloody dog.  OK, I am happy he is fine. 

There is nothing like slipping into freshly laundered sheets with pillow and doona fresh from being in the sun all day and having that lovely and unique Eau de Wet Dog come between you and your loved one.

Brain Goes to Mush

OK, I told you I stuffed up my colonoscopy appointment month, and I accused my mobile of not charging when I didn't have the plug turned on, well... there is more.  Sigh.  My brain has become mashed peas with the occasional floatie piece of soggy white bread (no substance).  Let me list them for you.

1. I am allowed 200MB data a month on my mobile plan.  I usually don't even get close to that usage but this month I was panicking.  Oh my God, after 3 days into the new month my data usage was soaring.  I switched everything off, apps, updates...what had I done?  I had no idea.  When it got over 245 I was going to lose the plot, such as it is.  Then, I realised it was counting in KB not MB.  Derr sister!  When it got to 1MB I had to laugh.
2. Bought a shopping basket to attach to the carry rack of my push bike.  Oh yeah, she was a beauty, simple to install and would carry my stuff.  Only, I decided to install it when my poor brain was already strained from too many scathingly brilliant ideas racing through it.  First go, I attached the four screws and washers to the to mounting plates beneath the basket.  Fiddly but not overtaxing.  Easy.  Except when I was finished, the basket was not, in fact, attached to the carry rack.  Oh the mounting plates were attached alright but they were completely separate from the rack.  Yep I could see the problem straight away because I am that clever.  But Mrs Fixit/Never Say Die/Too Proud to Ask for Help tried again.  Second time I incorporated the rack and it was definitely attached this time but the brackets were facing the wrong direction.  Sigh.  Third time I had the basket attached to the rack, the brackets in the right direction and voila!  So proud.  Eventually.
3. Soul Sister and I went bike riding on a designated bike track in another town recently.  It was a long, long ride and because we talk, talk, talk and laugh, laugh, laugh and carry on like pork chops I was exhausted by the time we finished.  As we were installing the bikes onto my bike rack Soul Sister realised I was having trouble finding my words.  A sure sign that my brain was in another dimension.  I was a bit wobbly on my feet so she asked me gently if she could do the driving.  Oh yeah, you know what, that is not a bad idea.  Huh!  Utter brilliance.  Soul Sister was moving into survival mode obviously, she wanted to arrive home in one piece.  Fussy.

There are probably more but I can't remember them at this point in time.  Hmmph.  Probably cannot completely blame the brain injury, although it is one lifelong excuse to be used at will.  It could be early onset senility, some strange disease brought on by a mosquito bite, a miniature space ship moving around in the brain, early signs of menopause or just the fact that I am a ruddy great goose.  No comments from Twisted Sister thank you.  I know which you would say.

From a Dog's Perspective

ROGER: Staffordshire bull Terrier, mad as an axe, ADHD, cyclonic.

LAYLA: Retired and rescued greyhound.  Calm, quiet and always hungry.

Visitors

Roger:  Was that... is it... oh yes it was a car door slamming.  LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.  I love you, I don't know who you are yet but I love you.

Layla:  Is someone here?  Excitement.  Maybe they will have food.  Maybe they will love me.  I always need love.

Roger:  It's the grandparents.  I LOVE the grandparents.  Grandad loves me!  Grandma too but with restrictions.  I want you both I WANT I WANT I WANT.  What the... the Pack Leader Mum has me by the collar but I will pull.  Maybe she will let go.  She is talking to me but all I hear is blah blah blah Roger! Those legs, I. must. lick. those. legs.  Grandad's legs are long and skinny and hairy.  His legs play with me and chase me.

Layla:  Grandparents.  I love them.  Do they have food?  Have they touched food lately?  Will they still smell of food?  Wet nose in their hands will tell me.

In The House

Roger:  The kitchen is off limits when food is being prepared or when the family are eating.  This is so hard!  I break the rules every day and every day I am sent out but one day they might forget and not notice me.  The cat can come and go as she pleases and she does this to show off.  I don't care.  I am bigger than her. 
If Pack Leader Mum is at the computer too long I bark at her.  If she swears or sighs or is upset I talk to her and come to comfort her.

Layla:  The kitchen is off limits when food is being prepared or when the family are eating.  If I walk very slowly and quietly, don't let my nails click on the floor I can bypass this rule.  The floor can contain smidgens of morsels of edible stuff.  The bin is my mecca.  I must get to the bin.
Wherever Pack Leader Mum is I am.  She often forgets things and goes up and down the hall or in and out of the house many times but I must stay with her.  I used to be lonely and isolated and I will never again be lonely and isolated. 

A Walk

Roger:  Smells are everywhere.  Here, there, all over the place.  Oh I gotta' pee.  I am in a big hurry.  You never know when the world might end or we have to go back home.  Quick quick quick.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Jackpot!  Calf poo.  I gotta' eat it before Layla finds it.  Scoff, choke, hack, scoff.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Oh yeah, carcass of rodent.  Mmmm, roll in that, roll roll roll.  I smell great. 

Oh Pack Leader Mum is calling home.  Quick quick quick.

Layla:  Freedom, run run run.  Smells everywhere.  Where is that rabbit?  Squat and pee.  RABBIT RABBIT RABBIT rabbit rabbit rabbit.... gone.  Ooh calf poo.  Eat it before Roger.  Where is that rabbit?  Smells everywhere.  Oh there is Pack Leader Mum at the top of the hill.  She loves me.  We are too far apart.  Run run run.  Puff puff puff.  Where is that rabbit?  Oh baby, calf placenta!  Roll roll roll.  I smell great!

Pack Leader Mum is calling home.  Gotta' go.  Do not want to lose my family.

An Outing

Roger:  Car trip!  Puff puff puff I am so excited and we haven't left home yet.  Ooh ooh ooh someone I don't know walking past the car.  I LOVE YOU!
On leash in open air and I want to sniff sniff sniff.  Oh I gotta' pee.  Person... I LOVE YOU.  I want to lick your legs.  Running away?  How exciting, me too.  Dog... I really want to know you before I decide whether to attack or play.  Pulling pulling pulling.  The lead may give way, I might be able to chase all those people/dogs/inanimate objects.  Oh I gotta' pee.

Layla:  Car trip?  Oh OK.  Mixed feelings of excitement and trepidation.  Pack Leader Mum and Dad drive round bends and my lo-o-ong legs have to surf them in a confined space.  Roger's excitement is catchy. 
On leash in open air and I stick close to my Pack Leader.  They might try and separate from me.  Dog... if I don't look at them maybe they will ignore me.  Eww they are sniffing me.  Stand tall and think of something else.  Food.  No time to sniff.  Got to focus on staying with Pack Leader.  Person... stay cool, don't do anything.  Oh a pat, lovely, I will take that.  I gotta' crap right here and right now.

Bed Time

Roger:  You are running late Pack Leader.  It is time, I am restless.  Are we going out yet?  Oh yay, it's time for my bedtime biscuit.  Big, hard biscuit.  Chained to my kennel first and then biscuit.  Chomp, crack, choke, cough, chomp.  Mmmm. Bed time with the mozzies.

Layla:  Are you sure it is that time?  What if I lie here just a bit longer.  Ooh biscuit, I forgot I was hungry.  You go first, there are toads out here.  Chained to my bed in shed and then biscuit.  Very gentle when I am given the biscuit.  Biscuit very hard.  Pack Leader leaves and I lie down and eat.  I want to be in the house with the family.  I am chained now because I wrecked the door to my shed. I stress when I am separated from the family.  But I know I will see them in the morning.  I will not be lonely or isolated again.  They even give me breakfast so I know I won't starve.