Embarrassing Moment No 148 by Offspring

There was a time, quite a few years ago, when my daughter would regularly ring the radio station of a morning to answer a set question in the hope of winning a prize. One morning the question was "How have your parent(s) embarrassed you?"

To set the scene here, pre-injury I was an enthusiastic work Christmas party attendee. My workmate and I would try and outdo our efforts of the last year's party. The creative process was nearly as much fun as the party. As you can see by these two examples we did quite well.

Anyway, my young daughter's answer to the DJ's question, heard by all who were listening that morning, was........"My mum and her friend (named her) like to put on wigs and dress up in gowns and go out at night". The DJ was delighted. He asked her what sort of wigs? Oh beehives and stuff. I heard this on the radio in another room of the house and immediately thought that I sounded like a prostitute.

When I asked at work that day if anyone had heard it, another workmate hooted, she thought that the child had been talking about a prostitute too. A few people knew who the child was and thought it very funny.

The big mouthed daughter won the prize that day and I was to accompany her to the radio station to pick up her prize. I threatened to wear my beehive during this process but I did wonder if she had won just so they could see this mother of the night.

My Brain Injury Part III - The Hard Facts

Acquired Brain Injury. Traumatic Brain Injury. Closed Head Injury. These have all been used to describe my brain injury. I would like to add Acquired Traumatic Emotional Injury.

Before my brain injury I was an independent, strong willed and busy person. Have I mentioned that I am stubborn too? I worked three days a week, I helped out at our little country school, I was in the Parent Support Group of the cubs/scouts, I was a driving force behind a small local newsletter and like most parents I drove the children to all manner of sports and after school commitments/social gatherings. I rode my horse three times a week. I was busy to the point of stress sometimes but accepted it as parenthood. I rarely, if at all, asked for help. I was too proud and thought it a weakness not to be able to cope.

In one small moment all of that was no more.

After accepting I would not be "cured" in a matter of days I immediately quit the volunteer commitments. That felt strange but not terrible. I was too busy before anyway. My employer would give me time to recover and come back when it was possible.

The hardest thing about this change in my life, and I cannot express just how hard it was for me, was to ask for help. I needed it. I feel the anxiety of it now as I write this, even after all this time. I could not get the kids the 1km to school (busy country road with no footpath) or their after school activities in town. We live on a small property about 9km from town and there is no public transport. My Very Good Neighbour started to walk the children to school but the bus driver found out and offered to pick them up from her driveway every day. My Very Good Neighbour also took my daughter to her Irish dance classes once a week. Our friends became hockey mum, cub/scout dads and mums. I also had friends who were the 'get-me-out-of-the-house-for-while' committee. My family and friends transported me to appointments, visited me, understood my lack of comprehension and organisation. The care and understanding my immediate family and I received was humbling and amazing and beautiful.

Emotionally it was oh so tough. Frustration, impatience and defeat, all of which I felt acutely. Why was this happening to me? Why is it taking so long?

My emotions were erratic. When I was over-fatigued I was cranky and/or teary. I had trouble making decisions and problem solving. One of the organisations I used to volunteer with had difficulty understanding my lack of enthusiasm for their needs. I had no bandage, I was not limping, I appeared to be normal except I would no longer help out. They became unhappy with me and in turn I found their lack of understanding upsetting. Brain injury is considered the "invisible injury".

Simple things like working out how much change I should receive when purchasing goods, following a story line in a novel and keeping up with the number of characters within did not happen in my brain. I read one of the Harry Potter books during this early time but had to reread it at a later date to remember what happened. Coping with conversations with more than one person or verbal instructions were quite impossible. Traffic that was not flowing and line-ups in shops etc were a cause for stress.

My confidence took a nose dive! My happiness bar dropped significantly. I had insomnia and with that came extreme anger. I became verbally abusive to myself and inanimate objects around me. Anxiety and guilt at having to use my family and friends to help me out were consistent. And all this with a MILD brain injury. It is difficult to imagine what the people with severe or moderate brain injury go through.

Not once did I think that all this would not pass. I knew I would recover, I would return to my previous life (albeit with a new appreciation of it) and this would all become just an unpleasant memory. I told you I was stubborn.

I was wrong. Apparently in a small percentage of mild brain injured people there is a complication known as Post Concussive Disorder. This means that the person does not make a full recovery and is left with some symptoms that either do not resolve or gradually and mildly improve over years. Bingo! Lucky me. The one symptom I did not want to be stuck with was fatigue. Bingo again! My fatigue is still significant and I have at least 1.5 hours rest/sleep every afternoon. I still cannot concentrate for long periods of time and I have very mild short term memory and problem solving skills deficits.

All in all, I am doing pretty darn well really. These days I am happy and involved in life at a scaled down level. My family and friends stuck by me and I will be forever grateful. The Human Resources Manager with my employer never once pressured me or doubted me while I was recovering. I work three half days a week and sometimes I cannot manage even that but again there is support and understanding. I am the luckiest 'head case' I know and my friends have teased me, joked with me and continue to make me happy.

I AM A BETTER PERSON THAN I WAS BEFORE THE INJURY. I have more compassion for others, I have empathy and understanding. I don't have time for bull**** or people who are insincere or mean. Life is as it is and we should live it.

My Exclusive Get Fit Program

So here I present my Get Fit Program. To the right is the equipment known as the Hill Climb. It is punishing and unforgiving especially to an unfit lump like me.

Above the Hill Climb are my trusty, multi-purpose Blundstones. The good old Australian work boot that gets me to the top of the Hill Climb and is not bothered by cow poo, mud, thistle or ground dwelling bities and eaties.

Above left and middle are my gym workout footwear (or lack thereof) and my gym ball and weights. Very versatile and used with total randomness (is that a word?) and abandon. Unfortunately the strawberry jam has been opened and refrigerated so I need a new one. I think I will get plum next time.

Then there are the training partners: greyhound and staffy. Very encouraging, a little erratic in direction at times and easily bribed but they are my inspiration. Will drive me to distraction if they have not been walked for a while.

The cat couldn't give a damn whether I exercise or not.

Grandpa Koala

I was photographing pink flowers in our front paddock when my Piece of Poop (horse) alerted me to this old fella' sitting quietly amongst the dead wood. The mare was feeling a bit jumpy even though we regularly have koalas in our trees and, I assume, on the ground to move from tree to tree. He looked old and arthritic and I think his eyes are becoming cloudy. The Piece of Poop did not accept his presence willingly and snorted and paced until the poor old koala gave up and reluctantly moved on.

My Brain Injury Part II - Denial & Confusion

You know in the movies and television shows how someone cops a blow to the head, passes out and then at the appointed time recovers and continues the fight or adventure as if nothing happened? Or in the older shows where someone cops a blow to the head, passes out, wakes up with amnesia and then another blow to the head at the end of the show and they are miraculously cured?

To continue my saga........

I missed work for about 2-3 days, I cannot remember anymore but I know I was tired all the time. My brain did not seem to want to function methodically. I was unsteady on my feet. I was unsure of so many things but all along I apparently knew I would come good any time now.

I drove to work one morning. I noticed that when I got out of the car I was quite wobbly. That's OK, my job involves sitting and typing medical reports.

I sat at my desk alongside my workmates and commenced typing. I have been a medical typist since 1987, I find it quite interesting and usually enjoy it. This morning nothing seemed to make sense. I was hearing the dictation through my earphones and understood but the fingers were not receiving the right message and my typing did not correspond accordingly. I tried ever harder to concentrate to correct this weird phenomenon but after about 15 minutes my computer screen seemed to be "swimming" in front of me. I stood up and nearly fell down.

I drove home, very disappointed. I decided to try again after another day's rest. I returned to the doctor and was given another medical certificate. He told me about a local brain injury rehabilitation service and gave me a pamphlet. I thought that was an overreaction.

Again I drove to work, wobbled to my desk and again I lasted, this time, a whole 20 minutes. What the hell? I was quite confused and must not have seemed totally coherent. A workmate asked me how I was getting home and I honestly had not the foggiest idea. Someone very kindly drove me home and the Lovely Husband and a friend collected the car later.

Again I went to the doctor, this time he gave me a week off. I was very upset. I felt so not in control. I even had the Lovely Husband drive me to the brain injury service and I picked up some more pamphlets. Someone offered to sign me up but I told them it was only a temporary situation, thanks anyway.

It took three days to get over my attempt at work. Three days of fatigue beyond belief. I felt sick in the stomach, I could not walk straight, I could not remember things I had said or heard moments before or what day it was. I slept several times during the day. In the words of my teenagers, IT SUCKED. It was very upsetting.

I contacted the brain injury service and they took my details. A counsellor would come and see me at my home at an appointed time. I hoped I was not overreacting. The counsellor came one morning. She was so nice and patient. She gave me more written information and we talked about my issues. The Caring Counsellor did advise me to take more time off work but I did not take that advice on board. I just knew that my brain would be like a muscle and just needed to be exercised back into the saddle (so to speak). She tried very gently to tell me not to drive but I was not listening to that either. When I look back at this all now I realise how bloody stubborn I was.

A week later I tried to work but again the same result. I felt defeated.

I started listening to the Caring Counsellor. I stopped driving. She recommended I take an extended period off work. I had to start dealing with my brain injury and it was challenging. Over the following weeks I would see the Caring Counsellor at my home once a week and she would gradually give me more information and advice and I would eventually learn that what I was experiencing was typical of the brain injured.

I did not drive or work for the next six months. I had some very frustrating and depressing times and I had some uplifting and happy times. I learnt a lot about myself and my friends and family but I will elaborate on this in another post.

Transylvanian Naked Necks

These chickens are just gorgeous aren't they?
They have quite a few feathers less than your average chicken, to make it easier to pluck apparently. They are heat and cold resistant and very calm. We have laying hens as well who are very efficient but I consider these little beauties to be REAL chickens. They are a hardy bird. We had some of them years ago. We had a bad time with foxes then and one of our roosters survived two fox attacks. And the name, who wouldn't love to own chickens with a name like this.

Baby Fruit Bat on the Wire

This is a little two week old grey headed flying fox or fruit bat. It was hanging from our power line for about 24 hours. I thought at first it was dead but the dead don't generally move and when we opened our squeaky old gate it answered and kept calling for its mum. I called WIRES, the local wildlife rescue service and they in turn called our power company who came and rescued it using a "hot stick". A long, telescoping, plastic pole with a towel wrapped around the end to represent a bat mum. The baby latched onto it and was then brought safely down to earth. It will be hand reared and eventually released by the carer. So cute and yet so ugly all at once. My daughter had named it Dracula but it turned out to be female so the carer is naming it after me. Perhaps I am cute and yet so ugly too? The Lovely Husband says that there is now two batty people of the same name in this country. Oh ha ha.

Just when you thought it would be safe.....

I was in the chemist today getting some vitamins and I heard a woman ask the assistant for some help. Apparently she has a daughter with a head injury who is struggling with the pain. It shook me a little I have to say. I am very lucky to have no pain whatsoever with my brain injury but I have to feel for this woman and her daughter having to deal with this. The mother did not look old enough to have an adult daughter and I was so tempted to make myself known to her but I chickened out. I payed for the vitamins and left. I nearly turned around and returned to the woman several times but when I was in the crowd I had forgotten what she looked like or what she was wearing. (Short term memory?). I hope they are getting as much support as I had.

My Favourite Kids' Joke

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A MOTH FARTS?

IT FLIES STRAIGHT FOR A SECOND!!

(It's the only one I can remember too).

My Brain Injury Part I - The New Sensation

As I have said in my introductory blog it was a horse riding accident that changed my life completely. I don't remember coming out of the saddle, I don't remember hitting my head on the ground the first time but I remember my head on the up bounce and landing gently back on the ground. The air left my lungs with a groan, my ribs hurt and I remember trying to cover my mouth with my hand in the mistaken idea that I needed carbon dioxide to get my breathing going again, (that was for hyperventilation not winding you goose). I passed out. When I woke I felt woozy. My ribs hurt a lot now and I wasn't sure what to do. I checked my watch and realised I had been unconscious for up to 10 minutes. Before the dramatic exit from the saddle I had checked my watch and decided I had time for another round of the paddock. My horse thought otherwise obviously.

I could see the Piece of Poop grazing happily not far from me and knew I had to get on my feet. My legs worked, my ribs hurt but gradually I was up. The world seemed a little hazy but I wanted to get home.

I approached the Piece of Poop and she allowed me to climb into the saddle as if nothing had happened between us. I had to ride home because I didn't feel as if my legs would carry me that distance. It was a very mellow trip home through two gates and past the mailbox.

I felt a tad tired by now and decided to relax in front of the TV. All was OK until my vision started to swim. I got out our home medical book and decided to seek advice.

Head Injury:

Unconsciousness? SEE DOCTOR NOW.

It's only one symptom.

Patient cannot remember injury? SEE DOCTOR NOW.

Yeah yeah, I don't think so.

Visual problems? Lethargy? SEE DOCTOR NOW.

Groan, OK I better act on this.

So much for taking advice, it was not what I wanted to hear. I contacted my doctor's office and they told me to get myself to hospital straight away. I phoned my neighbour and asked her if she could please collect my children, then aged nine and 12, who got off the school bus at her place, and drive me to hospital. I phoned the Lovely Husband and told him about it. He was about 40 minutes away and would meet me at the hospital. My very good neighbour grabbed some afternoon tea for the Short Ones and came and collected me.

I assured my neighbour that it was OK to just drop me off at A & E and against her better judgement she did just that. As I approached the hospital doors I needed one of the Short Ones for support because my legs seemed a little unco-ordinated. It seems that people with head injuries and that need to hold onto the counter so that they don't fall over get seen to pretty darn quick. Alright! I'll be outa' here soon enough. I have to say at this point that the young doctors in Emergency are very nice and thorough but the equipment they are forced to use is bloody pathetic. This poor young doctor went through four ophthalmoscopes before he found one that worked long enough to look into my eyes. And that one was held together with sticking plaster and he had to hold it in just the right way so it would stay on. I had a CT of the head which turned out to be normal. (The sometimes Lovely Husband laughed at that one of course). I spent a total of four hours in observation. The Lovely Husband took the Short Ones home and came back for me later. The hospital staff were supposed to take an x-ray of my ribs but forgot and I did not remind them, I just wanted to go home.

This was a Thursday night and we had planned a long weekend away with friends to the mountains starting the next day. It was mid winter and we were going to play tourist and climb an almost mountain, bush walk, eat, drink and be merry. On discharge the doctor told me I could still go but "probably shouldn't drive". I could handle that.

I had no concept of what a brain injury would mean to me at this stage, yes I felt unwell, unsteady and I was in a kind of haze but I had no head pain and I was quite relaxed and lucid.

Early the next morning two carloads of us travelled to the mountains. The road is steep and windy and at every bend I had to hold my ribs firmly with my hands. At every stop and start, bump and swerve I had to hold my ribs. But otherwise I was OK. The trip takes about two hours and we arrived in the crispy cold of the mountain town we were staying in. We played tourist; lookouts, bit of bush walking (or in my case bush wobbling), historical sites and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt ill and beyond tired. My head was spinning and all I wanted to do was lie down. Someone took me back to the house we were staying in and I slept for an hour or so. Maybe this brain of mine was not as quite OK as first thought.

I did not climb the almost mountain, I had a hot chai latte in the local park with one of our other party who has emphysema. We read the paper and people-watched. I did not drink any alcohol. I did not manage a game of Upwords (I could not find any words in all those letters). But we had a lot of fun and I came back home holding my ribs which were hurting even more now.

I did not go to work on the Monday as planned but went to the local doctor who gave me a few days off work and an x-ray of my ribs which were not broken. It would turn out that a "few days" would not be nearly enough time.

And so began the interesting journey of recovery but that is for another post.

Our Local Echidna

This echidna very kindly allowed my to follow it from fence post to fence post while it searched for and ate black ants. My trusty camera and I got some photos and film, although the film is a bit shaky. I have a mild tremor and when I say amateur photography, I mean amateur. He/she was very calm and co-operative.