My Brain Injury Part II - Denial & Confusion

You know in the movies and television shows how someone cops a blow to the head, passes out and then at the appointed time recovers and continues the fight or adventure as if nothing happened? Or in the older shows where someone cops a blow to the head, passes out, wakes up with amnesia and then another blow to the head at the end of the show and they are miraculously cured?

To continue my saga........

I missed work for about 2-3 days, I cannot remember anymore but I know I was tired all the time. My brain did not seem to want to function methodically. I was unsteady on my feet. I was unsure of so many things but all along I apparently knew I would come good any time now.

I drove to work one morning. I noticed that when I got out of the car I was quite wobbly. That's OK, my job involves sitting and typing medical reports.

I sat at my desk alongside my workmates and commenced typing. I have been a medical typist since 1987, I find it quite interesting and usually enjoy it. This morning nothing seemed to make sense. I was hearing the dictation through my earphones and understood but the fingers were not receiving the right message and my typing did not correspond accordingly. I tried ever harder to concentrate to correct this weird phenomenon but after about 15 minutes my computer screen seemed to be "swimming" in front of me. I stood up and nearly fell down.

I drove home, very disappointed. I decided to try again after another day's rest. I returned to the doctor and was given another medical certificate. He told me about a local brain injury rehabilitation service and gave me a pamphlet. I thought that was an overreaction.

Again I drove to work, wobbled to my desk and again I lasted, this time, a whole 20 minutes. What the hell? I was quite confused and must not have seemed totally coherent. A workmate asked me how I was getting home and I honestly had not the foggiest idea. Someone very kindly drove me home and the Lovely Husband and a friend collected the car later.

Again I went to the doctor, this time he gave me a week off. I was very upset. I felt so not in control. I even had the Lovely Husband drive me to the brain injury service and I picked up some more pamphlets. Someone offered to sign me up but I told them it was only a temporary situation, thanks anyway.

It took three days to get over my attempt at work. Three days of fatigue beyond belief. I felt sick in the stomach, I could not walk straight, I could not remember things I had said or heard moments before or what day it was. I slept several times during the day. In the words of my teenagers, IT SUCKED. It was very upsetting.

I contacted the brain injury service and they took my details. A counsellor would come and see me at my home at an appointed time. I hoped I was not overreacting. The counsellor came one morning. She was so nice and patient. She gave me more written information and we talked about my issues. The Caring Counsellor did advise me to take more time off work but I did not take that advice on board. I just knew that my brain would be like a muscle and just needed to be exercised back into the saddle (so to speak). She tried very gently to tell me not to drive but I was not listening to that either. When I look back at this all now I realise how bloody stubborn I was.

A week later I tried to work but again the same result. I felt defeated.

I started listening to the Caring Counsellor. I stopped driving. She recommended I take an extended period off work. I had to start dealing with my brain injury and it was challenging. Over the following weeks I would see the Caring Counsellor at my home once a week and she would gradually give me more information and advice and I would eventually learn that what I was experiencing was typical of the brain injured.

I did not drive or work for the next six months. I had some very frustrating and depressing times and I had some uplifting and happy times. I learnt a lot about myself and my friends and family but I will elaborate on this in another post.