When the Dynamic Daughter started high school we were confident she would be socially OK and do well with her school work. What we had not counted on was her developing anxiety and depression. The Dynamic Daughter is young for her school year and was a little immature for her age.
Year 7 began for her with a heightened sense of stress and a perception of pressure to perform. This little person was in all the top classes and, as it turned out to her horror, she was not the smartest person in these classes. We had warned her but I don't think she really believed us. Her confidence in her ability was soon undermined. The Dynamic Daughter and I attended the parent/teacher interviews in second term. Her teachers were aware of her fears and insecurities and tried in vain to assure her. As an example of her insecurity, she received 12 and of 20 for a science quiz and immediately asked the teacher if she could retake it as her mark was not good enough. Once retaken she achieved 15/20 and was still not happy but chose not to say anything.
Towards the end of term 2 the Dynamic Daughter became quieter and was easily brought to tears. This little person would tell us that she hated high school, no-one liked her and she did not think she was very smart. Eventually she came to the conclusion that she was depressed. We knew she was not managing emotionally. I spoke to the school counsellor but holidays were a mere four days away and he would talk to her next term. The holidays were good, she became happy again and relaxed.
Term 3 began and the Dynamic Daughter went downhill fast. The counsellor began seeing her every week. He thought she had reactive depression. The Dynamic Daughter was hanging around some year 9 girls she knew and shunning her age group. I spoke to a friend about this who suggested that if she was comforted by this than let it be. The counselling continued for the rest of the year. Towards the end of the year her symptoms seemed to ease but she was at her best when not at school. Weekends and holidays were a huge relief for her. The last term was a successful one in the social arena. The Dynamic Daughter had finally established a group of friends in her class and year and seemed to be bonding well with them.
Unfortunately our finances were very strained and we had to pull our offspring out of the private high school and enrol them into a public one for the following year. The timing could not have been worse. We felt terrible guilt but could no longer afford the school fees.
Year 8 in the new high school began with a negative attitude by this young person. Again she hated high school, no-one liked her and she wanted to go back to the other high school or leave school altogether. The Dynamic Daughter had always gotten on well with her brother but was now angry with him all the time. He had settled in to the new school beautifully and actually preferred it. As much as we thought the previous year was stressful because of our financial issues this year was very hard emotionally. We hated having to move the children to a new school but sometimes we have to make these choices through necessity.
This was the year (2009) we took her to her paediatrician. Our daughter was diagnosed with depression and cyclothymia. The relief we all felt with this diagnosis of cyclothymia was amazing. Her emotional state was explained and we knew she was not alone. He referred her to a psychologist for treatment for her depression. It would take eight weeks to get in to see the psychologist and in the meantime her depression became quite profound. There is nothing quite as scary as a young teenager with depression. We were there for her in every way we could but we could not cure her. It was time to act. I took her to a counsellor in a family health clinic. It was just an interim solution until we could get into the psychologist.
The Dynamic Daughter bonded well with the counsellor. She had been very sorry to leave the school counsellor from her previous year and she quickly clutched onto this kind and understanding man. Unfortunately, as much as he helped her he also hindered our plans for seeing the psychologist. He wanted us to have family counselling, when in my and my Lovely Husband's opinion there is no issue with the family. As they say, "if it ain't broke, why fix it?". Without sounding conceited we have a healthy and supportive family dynamic and were not willing to mess with it. He also agreed with our child that she would be better off staying and seeing him instead of going to the psychologist as recommended by the paediatrician. He tried to tell me that "teenagers are often the best judges as to what is best for them". This little person was barely 13 and had never been to a psychologist in her short life. She was distraught with depression. How could he think to give her that kind of power? This is not a matter of playing a card game, it is the mental health of our daughter. He effectively made it an issue between our daughter and ourselves. He was less than professional when he rubbished psychologists and I was glad to be leaving him behind when the appointment for the psychologist arrived.
Depression is not magically cured, it is not necessarily a short term illness. The patient cannot always see the light at the end of the tunnel and finds it hard to believe that there is one.
The Dynamic Daughter visited the psychologist for most of the year. He was very patient and competent, friendly and understanding. Even so the young teen was resistant to his suggestions and ideas for coping. She did give some things a go but not with very much enthusiasm. Our daughter had become a half glass empty person. The sessions, which included myself or her father, were frustrating and enlightening, amusing and sad. But on the whole they were worth it. She was typical of a teenager in therapy apparently and eventually, with a lot of time and talking behind us she started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Dynamic Daughter, who used to be involved in everything and anything, had stopped enjoying her friends, school and after school activities. She now has some beautiful friends at high school, quite a few of them know about her cyclothymia and accept her as she is. She has become involved in a charitable/social club at school and has taken up keyboard, singing and drama. She is writing songs, poems and now has enthusiasm for life. It was almost two years of hell for her, far too much for a young person to have to deal with. The two teenagers in our family get on beautifully once again. They laugh and talk together and share their possessions. We knew to have faith in the family and it has proved to be so. Instincts, sometimes, are worth believing in.
The Dynamic Daughter has matured during the one and a half years of difficulty, she has a new understanding of mental illness. Her ambition has returned, her laugh and her sense of caring for the world and the people in it and we are very proud of her.
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