The Young Negotiator at age 20 has left home. Wahoo! Yeehar! Woop Woop! Oh but he is lovely, that lad. I did not mind living with him at all. He is quiet and tends to be invisible but I am a person who, at age 17 years and one month left home to discover herself and live, I could see it was more than time for this lad to grow up away from parental concerns. He has been cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning successfully for a long time so I was not worried about him domestically. In fact, he was a lot better prepared than this innocent child of 17. I was able to boil mince and overcook chicken like no-one ever before.
I believe strongly in learning through consequences. Young adults do not always believe or listen to their parents advice, especially when it is offered through a poorly worn veil of frustration. I also believe you cannot tell a young adult what to do, only advise them. It is their life to live but sometimes you wish you had that power again from when they were young. And so as far as I am concerned the only way is through life experience, eg. paying your own bills, keeping the car serviced without the nagging of your parents, if you burn the crap out of a fry pan it may never recover and so you need to replace it, and perhaps cook on a lower heat. It is also a time for me as a parent to stop worrying about him being late for his licence renewal or car registration etc. We as parents try to prevent them from falling on their faces, being troubled by the stress of not being organised but we have to stop. The easiest way is by them not being there. Youth will learn by their mistakes, falling on their faces and 'oh, the electricity is out because I didn't pay the bill. My internet!!! I won't do that again' type scenarios.
Strangely, yet wonderfully, the Young Negotiator is asking for advice these days. He wants to know why his steak is not cooking nicely when he has the pan on a low heat (fear of having to replace the burnt out remains as before). He appreciated the advice of storing meal size left overs in the freezer for those late shift dinners instead of eating chilli con carne for four days in a row. He has asked me where I buy my meat and what I think of certain cuts. I LOVE it.
When people ask me how the Young Negotiator is going I tell them I can find out every second Tuesday night. That is when he comes home for dinner. Otherwise there is silence. The Young Negotiator is not big on communication but those twice monthly dinners are when we hear it all. He talks and laughs and enjoys home cooked meals. He tells us what he has eaten, where he has been, what bargain he has purchased. For example, he bought himself a table recently. Yeah? A wooden one? Yes and it extends if I want it to. I bought it from an Op Shop. It is for card games with friends and it is "out the back". Under cover? Yes. OK, did it come with chairs then? Yes. How many? Not sure, maybe six or eight. Got to love him. Maybe he will have a meal on it one day.
I am waiting for the need of money or the love of a good partner to spur him into at least a mild form of ambition. He works and earns money and is happy which is more than a lot of people but when it comes to ambition he is very relaxed and, perhaps, that is not a bad thing. Happiness is more important than status or money and he is happy. I would not wish him otherwise.
One down and one to go. The Dynamic Daughter is completing some studies at home and then she will be off. Empty nest? Not every second Tuesday anyway.
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